Stop Counting

A reflection for the 24^th Sunday, Ordinary Time, Year A. The readings are Sirach 27:30-28:7; Psalm 103; Romans 14:7-9 and Matthew 18:21-35.

I think that when Simon Peter goes to Jesus with this question, he’s thinking he is so holy. At the time, most people lived by the rule of “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth”. The rabbis who taught that they had to forgive three times, but not a fourth time. And so Peter was probably trying to show off a bit how amazing he is at being willing to forgive, not three times like the rabbis taught, but seven times!

And Jesus responds, “Seven times?! More like seventy times seven times!” But Jesus doesn’t literally mean that we should forgive 490 times. He means we have to forgive 70 cajillion times. He’s using hyperbole.

Do you know what hyperbole is? Hyperbole is when we exaggerate something to make a point.  We do it all the time. I say, “See that guy? He’s like 15 feet tall!” I don’t mean that he is literally 15 feet tall; I am making a point that he’s really tall.  And at the time of Jesus, this was something people did. And Jesus does it all the time. When Jesus says ,”it’s better if you cut off your hand or pluck out your eye” he doesn’t literally mean that you should do that. Of when he says, “if you had but a little bit of faith, you could move a mountain” he doesn’t literally mean that you could move a mountain. He means that you could do great, unimaginable things.  So here Jesus says, you should forgive 490 times.

He means, “Stop counting.”

And we know it’s hyperbole because of the parable that he tells right after. We don’t totally get it because we don’t know what a talent or a denarius is. So let me explain:

This servant owes the king, some translations say, “a huge amount.” By huge amount, it means, A HUGE amount. The original Greek says that he owed the king 10,000 talents. So what’s a talent? A talent was about how much a person could make in like 10 years. So, if you make $100,000 a year, in 10 years you’d make $1,000,000. That’s just one talent! This guy owed the king 10,000 talents! That’s 10 billion dollars! Most people in the time of Jesus would never even see one talent, let alone 10,000 talents! How did this guy rack up such a debt? Jesus is exaggerating to make a point.

So the king says, “I’m going to sell you, your wife, your kids, all your property and still, I am not going to make even 1 percent of what you owe me. And the servant throws himself to the ground and begs saying, “Give me more time and I promise I will pay you back in full!” Yeah right.

And then the king, in his mercy, forgives him the debt.

Then this guy goes off and finds his buddy who owes him just 100 denarii. Now a denarius was a day’s wage, so what you would make in a day in those days, which was like $20. Let’s say you make $20 a day, in 100 days you’d have $2,000. Not a small sum, but compared to 10 billion, it’s pocket change. And definitely possible to pay it back.

So Jesus is exaggerating these amounts to make a point: God has already forgiven us a HUGE amount that we would never be able to pay back. And so we also have to forgive. Not 7 times or 490 times, but all the time, no matter how big the debt.

And if we don’t, God will treat us the same way.

Which is what we pray when we say the Lord’s Prayer: “Forgive us our trespasses (our debts), as we forgive those who trespass against us.” We mean that we will forgive others as God has forgiven us.

But forgiveness is not easy, especially when we’ve been badly hurt. So let me give you a few tips that I hope will help you if you are struggling with forgiveness.

First, as I just said, we have to forgive. Why? Because Jesus says so. Because God has already forgiven us a debt we cannot repay and so we must do the same. But also, we need to forgive because, when you’ve been hurt, it’s the only way to find healing.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that we forget. If someone has hurt you, you shouldn’t forget. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you are ok with what the person did, or are excusing the person or condoning what they did. It also doesn’t mean that it’s ok for them to do it again. But it does mean that you are not going to let that hurt continue to cause you pain over and over again. Forgiveness means that you can move on.

We don’t forgive for the other person. Forgiveness is for us. I remember once I was speaking to a guy who’d suffered great abuse while growing up. He said that when he finally was able to forgive, he realized that he wasn’t going to let that person (the abuser) live “rent-free” in his head. That’s what forgiveness does. It sets us free.

The other person doesn’t have to apologize for you to be able to forgive. They don’t even have to know. They could be long dead. Forgiveness is not for them; it is for you. (Although in many cases, for someone who has caused great pain to others and who is remorseful, it is of great healing to know that they are forgiven – but that’s another homily.)

It’s like when someone hurts you they’ve taken something away from you.  It is like 10 years ago you lent someone 100 bucks and they never paid you back.  And so you are bitter and angry that they haven’t paid you back, they just forgot, they’ve never apologized and for the last 10 years you are seething inside. Forgiveness means that you are able to say to them, “you can keep the $100”.  Forgiveness means that you can say to them, “you can keep what you took from me.”

And so if you struggle with forgiveness, the first question you have to ask yourself is “what has this person taken away from me?” I think that most of the time you’ll find that they didn’t really take anything from you or what they took is insignificant. They disrespected you or treated you without dignity. But they didn’t take away your dignity – we don’t get our dignity from other people. Let them keep whatever they took. Forgive.

And with the big things, it is likely that we are just angry with God. What did God take away from you? How do we forgive God? We let him keep what he took. He is God afterall. And then, we likely need to forgive ourselves too for whatever part we played in whatever happened.

That’s probably the hardest thing to do.

 But we are able to do it because we are not alone. Ask for help. There are clergy and counsellors (and good friends) who can help you find forgiveness. But we can also do it because of God’s Grace. If you struggle with forgiveness, ask God to send you the Grace that you need so you can forgive. After all, he is the God of forgiveness.

And then, in a little bit, when we pray the Lord’s Prayer – or anytime you say the Lord’s Prayer – and we say those words, “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”, know that you can do it. With the Grace of our merciful God, who has already forgiven you a great debt that you would never be able to pay – you too can forgive others; not once or three times, not seven or 490 times, but 70 cajillion times – every time – no matter the size of the debt – no exaggeration, so that you can find healing and be free.