I remember sitting on the curb-side on Bloor Street in Toronto, once, many years ago, at a Life-Chain. This was in the days when I would say that I was against abortions, but I didn’t feel I could tell a woman what to do with her own body. The point of a Life-Chain is that you witness silently. Cars and people drive and walk by – some honk in approval, some yell in disapproval. Some of the Life-Chainers pray silently. Some hold signs.
I was sitting on the curb, with my Life-Chain T-shirt on – I was probably also holding an “abortion kills children” sign, when a woman cyclist flew past me yelling, “you try having the damn thing growing inside you for 9 months!”
That experience has stayed with me all these years. I can almost still feel the bike flying past me. My instant response was that I had no place in the Life-Chain, because abortion is a woman’s issue. After all that is what we are told. After all, I am not the one carrying the “damn thing” inside of me for nine months.
The truth is that many believe that I, as a man, have no say when it comes to abortion. My opinion does not matter, because abortion is a woman’s issue. For the last two days, I’ve been hearing a completely different message: not only is abortion an issue that concerns us all, but abortion is an issue that affects us all. In fact, men, particularly, are affected by abortion in ways a woman isn’t.
These last two days, Sept 7-9, at the Oak Brook Marriott, in Chicago, the Knights of Columbus, the Office of Evangelization of the Archdiocese of Chicago and Project Rachel, sponsored the second Reclaiming Fatherhood Conference, featuring testimonies from dads who’ve lost children to abortion, psychologists, priests and experts in post traumatic stress disorder, addictions and spiritual counseling. It was two wonderful days of networking, learning, creating awareness and most important: healing.
As a father of two boys, I am most interested in how men are different than women (so is my wife). Despite what some “experts” will tell us, the reality is that men and women are not the same. This does not mean that we are not equal in terms of rights or dignity. But God has created us male and female for a reason.
Now, these are going to be vast generalizations, but there is some truth to it. Think about it: when a woman is stressed, she needs to talk about it. She needs to share her feelings. Ask a guy what he’s feeling when he’s stressed and you’ll probably get a blank stare. Guys do need to get in touch with their feelings, but they generally don’t do it through talking. Guys are doers. We are problem-solvers. We need to get going and do something. In the doing, we sort our feelings. Generally. This is why the best-selling book “Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti” (by Bill and Pam Farrel) is a best seller. I highly recommend it. It makes a great deal of sense.
Think about men in our North American society: It’s not cool to show your emotions, or show pain. It’s not OK to show weakness, or appear helpless. It’s not cool to feel insignificant or powerless. This is not what feminists say – but this is very much the sense in the locker room: men need to be in control. Now think about abortion: Men are told that it’s not their issue, that they have no say in the matter. In fact, legally, men have no rights whatsoever, when it comes to abortion. On top of that, even if the man opposes the abortion, he is led to believe that the best way he can support his partner is by staying silent. He even believes that his pain is insignificant compared to her pain (then again, there are those who say that there is no pain whatsoever associated with abortions, even for the woman!)
So in the case of abortion, you have men who cannot show their emotions, cannot admit to pain. They feel powerless because they have no say in the matter and no reproductive rights. They can’t do anything about it and so they feel helpless. They are not defending, nor protecting their girlfriends, wives or their babies.
I’m really making the men look like victims here, right? Well, think of the man who forces the abortion on the woman. This is someone who intentionally causes the death of his own child. It’s true, he could be completely heartless. But perhaps he is also just misinformed. Maybe he truly believes that an abortion is the only way out. That abortion is the best solution. Imagine the potential for guilt. Imagine the shame. If he believes in God he may feel that God can never forgive him. He is unable to forgive himself.
Think of one more scenario: The young couple who finds themselves in a most desperate situation. He really feels that loving her is to support her. She says, “Maybe we should have an abortion.” He says, “If that’s what you want, then it’s OK with me.” Not only has he failed to love her, to defend her and protect her, but he has failed to give her what she really needs. He has failed to be a man and to really support her. It’s no wonder that after an abortion, most relationships fall apart. It’s no wonder that among post-abortive women surveyed, 80% report that had they had a supportive male, they would not have had the abortion.
I am over simplifying this, but let’s suppose that it could be as simple as this. Now add to this the fact that this man, cannot talk about it. He can’t go to his buddies and say, “hey, 10 years ago my girlfriend had an abortion and I am really devastated by it.” He can’t go to Church where he feels judged. He can’t talk to his wife about it. Still, studies have shown that after an abortion, no matter what role the man played, men show common symptoms of trauma. They feel rage, feelings of impotence, grief, extreme concern about his partner, they suffer disintegration of relationships, they may delve into risk-taking behaviour or substance abuse. They have obsessive thoughts about the child or children or abortion. In some cases they become abusive towards the partner, become sexually addicted, or turn into an overly protective parent. Some men even suffer psychotic episodes, depression and sometimes resort to suicide. All in silence. Experts say this is not different than the post-traumatic-stress-disorder suffered by war veterans.
I could go on – however I’ll leave it at that. If you want more information on how men are affected by abortions, visit www.menandabortion.info or look for the Men and Abortion Network (M.A.N.) on the www.lifeissues.org site, by clicking on the “Men and Abortion” link.
We’d be fools to think that there are no adverse effects to abortion (despite what the American Psychiatric Association says). In the U. S. alone, since 1973 there have been over 40 million abortions. In every single case, there was a man involved. Losing a child is a traumatic experience. Knowing that you intentionally caused the death of your own child is much worse. Feeling your partner betrayed you and had the abortion without your consent is pretty horrible as well. You failed to fulfill one of the key roles of a father: that of protector.
We need to acknowledge that about 40% of our population has lost a child to abortion. This is 4 out of 10 people sitting in the pews on Sunday; 4 out of 10 of your co-workers; 4 out of 10 people standing on the check-out line at the grocery store. They may be silent about it, but in many cases they are suffering – the experience has affected them in one way or another. We need to see how we can respond to them with compassion and love and offer them hope for healing. Let them know that they are not alone – that it’s OK to grieve and that forgiveness is available to all who seek it.
Read Comments
When asked recently at what point human beings should be given human rights, U.S. Democratic Presidential nominee Barack Obama said that to answer that question with any specificity was “beyond his pay grade”. What those who did not watch the debate perhaps don’t know is that he followed with an almost 5-minute explanation – quite convincing, I must add – which began: “I am pro-choice, but that does not mean that I am pro-abortion”. Sadly, the reality is that if you are pro-choice, while you may not like the idea of abortions, you are pro-abortion: that’s exactly what it means. For Obama, who professes to be a Christian, this should not be taken lightly.
Did you know that in Canada there are over 110,000 abortions every year? In the United States, there are more than 1.3 million abortions yearly, which means that in both countries combined, there are 4 abortions every minute. That also means that since Roe v. Wade in 1973, there have been some 40 million abortions in the U.S alone! I am always blown away by those statistics. Apparently, what used to be “1 in 4 pregnancies in the U.S. end up in abortion”, is now 1 in 5. I guess that’s a good thing. 1 in 5…. Wow!
In case anyone is in doubt: All Christians should be Pro-Life. Let me re-phrase: If you are a Christian, you cannot be pro-abortion or pro-choice. You cannot be pro—euthanasia, pro-death penalty or pro-stem-cell research. In fact, you can’t be pro anything that is remotely related to the cult of death. The words “Christian” and “pro-death” don’t go together.
It is surprising to me that so many who call themselves Christian still don’t quite get it.
This past summer, I was involved with the Knights of Columbus on a project to highlight the Knights’ Pro-Life involvement. If anything is quintessentially Catholic, it is the Knights, the largest lay Catholic organization, which was founded on the principles of charity and unity. As such, it makes perfect sense that the Knights of Columbus, as an organization is Pro-Life. It makes sense that all Knights should be Pro-Life and Pro-Family.
National March for Life, Washington, 2007
And that is what A People of Life aims to show: Not just how “amazing the Knights are”, but what it means to be a people of life and a people for life. What being “Pro-Life” means. It’s not just being against abortion, and protesting outside abortion facilities. It’s a way of life – it’s, in many ways, what being truly Christian is all about.
Pope John Paul II in his 1995 Encyclical Evangelium Vitae wrote: “To all the … people of life and for life, I make this most urgent appeal, that together we may offer this world of ours new signs of hope, and work to ensure that justice and solidarity will increase and that a new culture of human life will be affirmed, for the building of an authentic civilization of truth and love.”
A couple of years ago, I was blessed to be in Vancouver at a Eucharistic event with three Sisters of Life. During one of the talks, one of the Sisters talked about the pillars of the culture of life: Faith, Hope and Love. By definition, the pillars of the opposite: the cult of death, are the opposite of those. But what are they?
Faith is trust and complete reliance on God. Faith is not just “faith”, but Faith in God. So the opposite of that is not just “not having Faith in God”, but complete trust and reliance in ourselves. The opposite of Faith is faith in ourselves. Another name for that is Pride.
Identifying the opposite of Hope is a bit simpler: despair, hopelessness.
Many would quickly jump to conclude that the opposite of Love is hate. However, hate is a secondary, response. The true, deep opposite of Love is Fear. It is no surprise that one of the most common expressions in Scripture is “Be not afraid”.
And so, the pillars of the cult of death are: pride, despair and fear.
What does this all mean? It’s very simple: Everything we do, as people of life, needs to be motivated by Faith and/or Hope and/or Love. As soon as we find ourselves being motivated by despair or pride or fear, we’ve got a problem.
How many times do we make decisions based on pride? Or respond to a situation because of fear? How many are driven to certain behaviour because of despair?
The First National March for Life in Washington
It’s really not that hard. For me, it just took a small realization. And all of the sudden, all of the Church’s moral teachings made sense. We sin when we build the cult of death. We uplift, glorify and serve God when we build the Culture of Life.
This Sunday, September 7 at 9pm (with encore presentations on Monday, September 8th @ 1am & 2pm; Wednesday, September 10th @ 8pm and Thursday, September 11th @ 12am) you will have the opportunity to watch A People of Life.
A People of Life explores what it means to be Pro-Life and includes interviews with Supreme Knight Carl Anderson, March for Life Founder Nellie Gray, Project Rachel Founder Vicki Thorn, Democrat Member of U.S. Congress Bart Stupack, President of Life Athletes Chris Godfrey, and Superior of the Sisters of Life Mother Agnes, among others. It looks at the Pro-Life issues: abortion, euthanasia and stem-cell research in both the U.S. and Canada, and focuses on the work done by the Knights of Columbus in these areas.
May it be for you an opportunity to examine your life and what motivates your actions. More importantly, may it be an opportunity for you to celebrate LIFE and to rejoice in the long history that the Catholic Church, the Knights of Columbus and many, many Christians; many, many holy and wise men and women, throughout the last 2000 years have had in the building of the Culture of Life.
For more on this, read my article: Why Am I ProLife?
And let me know your thoughts. Always love to read your comments.
PEDRO
Read Comments
Cardinal Bergoglio
Ok – This may come out sounding a bit complicated, so you’ll have to bear with me –maybe help me sort it out – I apologise for not sorting it out first before bringing you into it, but it is too big to contain. Think of Cat Steven’s song, “I can’t let it in… I gotta let it out…”
I was disappointed about half way during the Eucharistic Congress, because my goal to write a bit about every day was not made possible. By day three, there was just too much. I managed a blog entry on day four, and promised more, but was not able to do it.
The reason why this upset me is because there was so much to share, so many insights, so many “A-ha” moments. We recently taped a Catholic Focus talking about our Eucharistic Congress experience (to be broadcast in September), and it allowed me to “relive” the Congress and be able to remember many of those wonderful moments.
Not surprisingly, for me, many of them had to do, not with the Eucharist specifically, but with marriage. Which makes sense, because what is true for one Sacrament, is true for all of them.
On June 18th, Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio, Archbishop of Buenos Aires and Primate of Argentina, spoke on the daily theme of “The Eucharist builds up the Church, the Sacrament of Salvation”, his talk titled: “The Eucharist and the Church, Mystery of the Covenant”.
As he began, I was brought back (made memory) to a most awesome week I had in Buenos Aires in January 2001 for that year’s Youth Congress of Latin American Bishops. Youth and Youth Ministry representatives, priests, Bishops and a few Cardinals from all 23 Latin American countries and Spain, gathered in a small retreat house for six days, to reflect on the state of youth ministry in the continent. It was one of the first of many World Youth Day blessings for me.
The reason why Cardinal Bergoglio’s talk reminded me of this meeting (other than the fact that he is Argentinian) was because of the approach to the topic. It was very organised. He had the topic divided into “Don” (gift) and “tarea” (work). Each topic had subtopics and even sub-sub-topics. This was how the week in Buenos Aires, seven years ago was structured.
I must say that a lot of it went over my head. While amazing, a lot of it sounded a bit academic and far out of my reach. That is often true of topics that have so much depth to them.
Then he said something that will forever change my attitude towards the Eucharist and marriage: “The institution of the Eucharist anticipates the Sacrifice on the Cross.”
He went on to explain, “So that the disciples, when they realised (each in their own time) what Christ had offered in His passion, [they also realized] that they already had received Him and that He had already made them participants in this redemptive sacrifice.”
This blew me away. He meant that the Sacrifice on the Cross would have had no meaning, had the Eucharist not been first instituted. Without the Eucharist, the sacrifice on the Cross, would have only been a total act of God, but without anyone capable of receiving it. “The wine would have broken the old wine skins,” he said. But instead, “the act of the Cross is received into the new wine skin of the hearts that have already received Him and pre-tasted Him in the Eucharist.” He concluded, “That is why all the Passion could have and can be contemplated as salvific, because those who contemplate on it are “already included,” in communion with the salvific love beating in the Lord who suffers it.”
I don’t know if that makes any sense to anyone. Let me explain: Christ had to institute the Eucharist first, in order to prepare the disciples’ hearts, for His passion – so that they could be included in His passion. That makes sense, because the only way that WE are included in His Passion, is through and thanks to, the Eucharist. If it’s true for us, it must have been true for the disciples.
And the washing of the feet, the mundane application of the sacrifice is so key. In many ways, the Eucharist and the sacrifice on the Cross, would also have no meaning without the washing of the feet. It is in the washing of the feet that we can participate in the sacrifice. Most of us are not called to die for someone else, but we are called, and have daily opportunities to serve each other, to wash each other’s feet.
Here’s the clincher for me. Cardinal Bergoglio used marriage as an example: Christ had to anticipate his death on the Cross with the
institution of the Eucharist so his sacrifice could be received. Just like the marriage couple that “anticipates” their love in the vows, so that when they consummate that same sacramental love, it can be received and not “break the wine skins.” So many couples are breaking the wine skins because the love they share is not anticipated in the vows.
It may be a bit complicated, but for me was the insight of the week. In essence it all means that without the Church, and without the Eucharist, the love of God, as expressed to us through the Sacrifice on the Cross (John 3:16), cannot be received.
What does this all mean to me in my daily life? Well, how to I participate in the Sacrifice of the Cross? How do I participate in the Eucharist? How do I live the Eucharistic mission? How do I live my marriage? Am I breaking the old wine skins, or am I letting God renew the wine skins of my heart so that my heart can be an adequate vessel to receive his Love and His presence? Are you?
Pedro and Mary Rose Bacani filming at the University of St. Thomas
Recently I was back at York University (it’s been a long time) for an event and I heard the University being referred to as a “liberal arts school”. I had never thought of York as a liberal arts school. Of course, I was there studying theatre and was very much immersed in their conservatory program. At the same time, it’s true that all students were required to take a social science, a natural science and a humanities course, and several other courses outside of our own faculty and department. I guess that made our education a liberal arts one.
It made me think of my high school education. I am an I.B. grad. The International Baccalaureate is an internationally recognised university preparatory diploma, which requires the students to take one course in each of the following areas: humanities, maths, sciences, arts and two language courses. On top of this, in order to graduate the students have to engage in at least one semester of a social service activity, a creative activity and a service to the college community. I must say, I was very proud of the well-rounded education I received.
Last month a few of us from S+L TV spent a week at the University of St. Thomas in Houston Texas. UST is a Basilian University and it provides its students with a very strong liberal arts education.
Had you asked me before I went to UST what a Catholic University looked like, I would’ve said that it would be like Franciscan University in Steubenville, Thomas Aquinas College, or Our Lady Seat of Wisdom, right here in our very own back yard, in Barry’s Bay, Ontario. What I found was very different.
I had read that all major universities in the U.S. were founded by Christians, for Christian purposes: Yale, Harvard, Princeton and Columbia (which was founded as King’s College). In fact, what I learned was that the university concept was a truly Christian one – as learning about God, requires learning about Scripture and Nature and learning about these, requires a well-rounded knowledge of a lot of things. So that was a pretty new concept for me: that the University, at its core, is a Catholic Institution.
Interviewing students at UST
And it makes sense: universities are a place where we search for truth, for meaning. If all we are doing is focusing on one particular aspect of vocational training, with the hopes of landing a good career, we may end up as good engineers, lawyers or teachers, but how does that prepare us for life in general? How does that make us better, wise people?
Well, I certainly believe that having gone through the IB program made me a better student, and having been required to take sciences and humanities in order to get my theatre degree, makes me a better theatre-person. It’s true, York University is not a Catholic institution in the least, but the very fact that they have a core curriculum means that their approach to education is a universal one and that, in itself is Catholic.
And send us your comments; about your experiences with education and what university you attended and why, we love to hear from you.
Pedro
deacon pedro 